Games that make you say, WTF?!

[Chaosengine]

Remember Rampage the arcade game? Giant monsters bustin' shit up? Yeah, it was awesome and remains one of my favorite games!

So am I gonna rant about Rampage? Hell No, I'm gonna talk about Aaaargh! Yeah, it's a real game! A Rampage rip-off to be exact!

Released in 1988 for Mastertronic's Arcadia system, Aaargh! featured a giant lizard and a giant cyclops smashin' shit in search of Roc's eggs. Why? Who the fuck knows, but here's my WTF picks.

3) Yo quero WTF? - Amongst the power ups you could collect while smashing houses and huts were food items. Nuthin' special, right? Well, what about a giant taco? Yeah, a huge hard-shell taco lyin' in the wreckage of a building! WTF? Where did it come from?? Do Polynesian villagers have giant, mock-Mexican chefs runnin' around? Why was I not informed?? Any hot-sauce to go with this mutherfukker? Shit.

2) Halitosis? - Your monster can breathe fire. Pretty cool, right? Not when the fireball flies straight instead of down. The buildings are all shorter than you, so the fireball flies right over top of it!! You can try to use it against the other monster when you uncover a Roc egg and you have to fight over it, but the punch works so much better. I know Rampage didn't have breath weapons, but why make it so useless? It could have been a good feature if they hadn't fucked it up!! Damn it!!

1) @#$% - What's your biggest nemesis in this game? The timer? The helpless villagers runnin' around? The other monster? Not even close. It's a HUGE fukkin' catapult that follows you around CONSTANTLY!!! It bombards you with shit non-stop and is BIGGER than you!! That's not the worst of it!! It... CAN'T... DIE!!! That's right, it's invincible!! Beat on it all you want, that son-of-a-bitch ain't goin' NOWHERE!! It kills me all the fukkin' time and remains a HUGE pain in my ass!! In Rampage you can destroy practically ANYTHING that attacks you! Even the bomber that flies by to nuke you! Not here!! How fukkin' cruel!! Why not just have a pack of leprachauns appear and shove a giant pool cue up your ass! Bastards!!

Well, it has it's appeal. The stages all take place during different periods in history and theres even a volcano for the final stage. The lizard was cliche, but the cyclops was new and different. All in all, it can be a fun game... IF you can find it.

Giant taco... *snort* yeah, I'm thinkin' what you think I'm thinkin'.
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