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Chaosengine
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 18 Dec 2008
Posts: 3307
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 Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 5:02 am Post subject: And Now For Something Completely Different... |
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(Note: The following biligerence is for satirical purposes only. The views expressed do not represent the forum or it's posters and should be taken as entertainment only.)
Top Five things pissing me off...
No. 5: Vampires.
Bella: I love you, Edward.
Edward: I love you , Bella.
Chaos: I love you, chainsaw.
Both: Huh?
Chaos: *chainsaw starts up* MWAHAHAHAHA!!
Both: AAAHHHH!!!
No. 4: Annoying Renaissance Festival Actors.
Actor: 'Ello, I am Chauncy, the feisty rogue! Twas a fortnight ago when mine lady love... Blah blah blah...
Chaos: *blood pressure rising*
Later...
*Chaos is burying a bloody, rolled up carpet behing the Porta-crappers*
Janitor: What's this?
Chaos: Twas the plague what got 'em. It came on all sudden like!
No. 3: David Schwimmer.
Schwimmer: Hi, *whine* I'm Ross from Friends *more whine* I'm also a successful actor! *excessive whine*
Chaos: *ROAR* *starts eating David*
Schwimmer: Oh Gawd!! *repetitive whine* Call my agent!!
No. 2: Racist Twelve Year Olds.
What's that Lil' Billy? Ya hate blacks, jews and homosexuals? Well guess what? I'm comin' over to your house tonight and I'm bringin' a butcher's knife and a box of trashbags! Don't bother lockin' up, I've got my own key!
*holds up a cinder block*
No. 1: Blizzard distracting itself.
Dork: There's a new WoW expansion coming out!!
Chaos: What about Diablo 3?
Dork: There's gonna be goblins and werewolves!
Chaos: What ABOUT Diablo 3??
Dork: There gonna destroy old boring territories and replace them with new content!
Chaos: WHAT... ABOUT... DIABLO... 3???!!!
Dork: I'm the happiest gamer EVER!!!
Chaos: LLLLLEEEEERRRRROOOOYYYYYY... *shoves a copy of Wrath of the Lichking down Dork's throat*
Dork: *gulp* *gasp* *gag* *choke*
_________________
"One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster.
The bars are temples, but the pearls ain't free...
You'll find a god in every golden cloister,
And if you're lucky then the god's a she..." |
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xivk
Royal Member of BonBon
Joined: 05 Jan 2009
Posts: 4287
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| Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 1:45 pm Post subject: |
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5. dont see a problem with vampires and chainsaws.
4.bring out yer dead
3.owned?
2.make sure they feel lots of pain. ~_~ (completely agree with this one)
1.true (and star craft 2)
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I am the ghost of games... What i am, all i will be
-Xivk |
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green_fox
Rank: Mr. Fabulous
Joined: 08 Mar 2008
Posts: 367
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| Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 1:59 pm Post subject: |
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No. 5 just made me grin wiiiiide 
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dragonfly
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 30 Sep 2009
Posts: 9138
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Ashton Gray
Royal Member of BonBon
Joined: 15 Feb 2007
Posts: 4668
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| Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2009 10:28 am Post subject: |
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No.5 *sigh* One overly teenage dramatic vampire movie and everyone hates vampires.
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Shadow_Twisted
Royal Member of BonBon
Joined: 30 Aug 2008
Posts: 1521
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| Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2009 1:09 pm Post subject: |
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| No. 5. Twilight and vampires are 2 different things. Edward Cullen glitters in real life from excessive sweating caused by drug abuse. |
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Rune174
Royal Member of BonBon
Joined: 29 May 2009
Posts: 6010
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| Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2009 1:51 pm Post subject: |
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lol on the WoW part. I have'nt played that game in awhile.
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Chaosengine
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 18 Dec 2008
Posts: 3307
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| Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 6:30 am Post subject: |
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Five more things that piss me off...
No. 5:Balloon Boy
Douche: My son has been kidnapped by a balloon!!
Police: Isn't that him in the attic?
*ugly kid makin' faces against the window*
Douche: I would just like to say, that Wife Swap is the greatest show... EVER! *pause* I'm goin' to jail, aren't I?
Police: Yup.
No. 4: Michael Savage
Savage: I have just been informed by an insider in Washington, that Obama is actually a 200 foot, giant lizard out to crush us all...
Common Sense: *smacks him with a bag of pennies* No... just NO!!
No. 3: Toucan Sam
Sam: Just follow my nose, it always knows!!
Chaos: Since when are birds known for their sense of smell??
Sam: *angry scowl* *pulls gun* BLAM BLAM BLAM!!
No. 2: Aaron Carter
Aaron: I can't go on, everyone is being MEAN to me!!
Chaos: *eyes bulge and turn red* *rolls Carter in a mattress and dances on him with golf cleats* I don't give a SHIT if I win!!!
No. 1: Children
Kid: Aaargh... Halo... Call of Duty... everyone is a fag but me!!!
Chaos: Nice kid ya got there.
Parents: You know it, every social worker and juvenile detention center in the country is all over him!
*an hour later*
Chaos: My neighbors... *sniff* have been kidnapped by a balloon!!
Police: Yeah, but who shot it down with an R.P.G.?
Chaos: *looks around* HOOHAHAHAHA!!
Police: I'm votin' for insanity plea on this one.
Toucan Sam: *shoots everyone*
_________________
"One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster.
The bars are temples, but the pearls ain't free...
You'll find a god in every golden cloister,
And if you're lucky then the god's a she..." |
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xivk
Royal Member of BonBon
Joined: 05 Jan 2009
Posts: 4287
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| Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 7:48 am Post subject: |
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Hard to tell if your pissed off or know how to make those stupid situations funny.
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I am the ghost of games... What i am, all i will be
-Xivk |
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dragonfly
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 30 Sep 2009
Posts: 9138
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Chaosengine
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 18 Dec 2008
Posts: 3307
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| Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 6:07 pm Post subject: |
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It's all jokes from here on out, so laugh all you want. 
_________________
"One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster.
The bars are temples, but the pearls ain't free...
You'll find a god in every golden cloister,
And if you're lucky then the god's a she..." |
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Chaosengine
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 18 Dec 2008
Posts: 3307
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| Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 7:23 am Post subject: |
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More stuff pissing me off...
Jon and Kate Gosselin:
Jon and Kate: We had a bunch of kids!
Chaos: ...
J&K: His infidelity ruined our marriage!
Chaos: ...
J&K: Now we're celebrities!!
Chaos: *takes a bite out of Jon's head* *chew chew*
Kate: Um... *tries to sneak away*
Chaos: *mid-chew* Where do you think YOU'RE goin' ???
Rock Band (game) Drama:
(Billy's House: Practice for "Butt Bucket")
Billy: Where is he?
*guy stumbles in, drunk*
Joey: About time, let's rock!
*drunk guy barfs everywhere*
Ted: Dammit, you've ruined ANOTHER practice!! Way to go Manny!!
Manny: *drunk* You need me!! I'm tha lead singer... guy!!
Joey: It used to be about the music!!
*door busts in* *Chaos weilding an axe*
Chaos: YOU'RE NOT A REAL BAND!!! *starts chopping 'em up*
Grand Theft Auto
Play Grand Theft Auto 17!! The Ballad of Molly Ringwald!! In stores NOW!!
*guy playing, mowing down civilians (like in EVERY GTA)*
*Chaos appears on screen*
Kid: What the...?
*Chaos presses face against screen* Chaos: EVIL STUFF!!!
Kid: EEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!
(next day, at school)
Kid: *Entire XBOX 360 shoved up his ass*
Friend: Dude, what happened to you?
Kid: Don't play... *terror* DON'T PLAY!!!!!
_________________
"One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster.
The bars are temples, but the pearls ain't free...
You'll find a god in every golden cloister,
And if you're lucky then the god's a she..." |
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dragonfly
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 30 Sep 2009
Posts: 9138
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Rune174
Royal Member of BonBon
Joined: 29 May 2009
Posts: 6010
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| Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 3:03 pm Post subject: |
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Ok, now you have me wanting to make those awesome puns.
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